Hello World!

My esteemed colleague Caillan, who would know, given his area of academic expertise, has called Troy "a lumbering, soulless mess". I cannot argue with his criticism of the changes from Homer, the re-setting of Mycenae or any of the other numerous deviations from what source materials inspired it (I guess Petersen won't be making The Orestia as a sequel, for instance). I can't even argue with his assertion that "Brad Pitt has the acting talent of a can of spam." But he seems to be missing some very important aspects of the film, namely:

1) Brian Cox's voice. 2) Orlando Bloom's face - considerably prettier than Helen of Troy's. 3) Eric Bana's eyes. 4) Sean Bean's...well, everything about Sean Bean from his curly hair to his sandaled feet, even his inexplicable Mediterranean-Yorkshire accent. And while it's true that Pitt's acting is not going to net him any Oscar nominations, Achilles isn't famous for being deep or sympathetic; he's famous for having really great forearms and buns of steel and knowing how to use them, which Pitt does quite well.

Troy was a better movie than I had expected it to be, though I did have several jarring moments of thinking I was watching Lord of the Rings instead ("Look, it's Helm's Deep! Here come the orc armies! There goes Legolas with his bow! Ooh, what's Boromir telling his king now?") Bloom was better than I expected, playing a truly thankless character; it's hard for me really to like any of the characters besides Hector, really, though I wanted to like Briseis, but she fell in love much too easily after devoting herself to chastity.

And Troy contained the single funniest moment I have ever experienced at the movies. After the wooden horse with the famous name was built and delivered, and the events started happening which inspired pithy sayings like "Beware Greeks bearing gifts," a woman several rows in front of us shrieked, "OH MY GOD!" The entire audience exploded with laughter, which lasted during what should have been a deeply somber scene of carnage. It's even funnier than people on my internet lists complaining that other people spoiled the movie for them by explaining the reference to "Achilles' heel."

Trek BBS Today

Below are some of the topics currently being discussed at Talk CSI:

-Problems with 'Dark Motives'?

-Horatio's clothes!

-Things that will never be said on CSI: Miami...

More topics can be found at Talk CSI!

Poll Results

Below are the results of the most recent CSI Files poll:

How would you rate 'Innocent'? 9-10 56.9% - (86 Votes) 7-8 14.5% - (22 Votes) Wasn't able to see it 9.9% - (15 Votes) 1-2 7.2% - (11 Votes) Didn't want to see it 5.2% - (8 Votes) 5-6 3.9% - (6 Votes) 3-4 1.9% - (3 Votes) Total Votes: 151

Please vote in our new poll on a fourth show debut!

Today's Television Listings

• Thursday night at 9:00 p.m. Eastern Time, CBS will rerun the CSI: Crime Scene Investigation episode "Paper or Plastic?". The official synopsis states:

  Grissom confronts a nemesis on the police force when he probes an officer's role in a shooting spree inside a small grocery store that left five people dead. The same cop had threatened Grissom after Gil investigated LVPD involvement in a homicide. In the current case, the officer claims he gunned down two robbers and shot at a third masked suspect, but there is no evidence that a third thief was present. There is evidence, however, that a bullet from the cop's gun killed an innocent shopper.

• Friday night at 11:00 p.m. Eastern Time, Spike TV will show the CSI: Crime Scene Investigation episode "Play With Fire". The official synopsis states:

  A woman's body is discovered in a small press box at a high-school football field, apparently the victim of strangulation. The evidence leads investigators to two convicts, one of whom is still in prison. At the crime lab, an explosion destroys key evidence and leaves Greg and Sara injured.

Discuss this news item at Talk CSI!
 Add CSI Files RSS feed to your news reader or My Yahoo!
Also a Desperate Housewives fan? Then visit GetDesperate.com!